Twilight FortunatelyUnfortunately Game
by simply-dazzling001
Summary: Bella & the Cullens are unbelievably bored, so they play a story-making game using themselves as characters. Featuring: Dazzling Cullens, Aro fangirls, and the tale of the magical pink bunny. Rated T just to be safe. Please read and review!
1. Let the Game Begin!

**Author's Note: I do not own Twilight. Ok, so this is a game I play with my cousins all the time. It's called "Fortunately-Unfortunately." Basically, the first person says a neutral statement, something neither fortunate nor unfortunate, like "Bob was eating pizza." The person after them starts a chain of fortunate/unfortunate statements, alternating between players. Don't worry if you're confused, hopefully this story will clear things up! Enjoy!!**

3rd Person POV

Bella was visiting the Cullens one weekend and they had nothing to do, as it was very sunny outside. After flipping through several of Esme's _Home Decorating_ magazines, Bella was getting bored. Jasper, sensing her boredom, said, "Hey guys, let's play a game."

Bella was grateful for Jasper and immediately brightened, saying "Alright. What are we going to play?"

"Please," Rose begged, "No more Truth or Dare. I've been cleaning silly-putty out of my hair for weeks."

Jasper snickered but promised, "Not Truth or Dare. Let's play Fortunately-Unfortunately."

"How do you play?" Bella asked, eager to relieve some of her boredom.

"Well, it starts with one person saying a neutral statement, then the next person says something fortunate that happens to the person, the following person says something unfortunate, and we just keep going until we have a completely crazy story. It's really fun."

"Alright," Bella agreed. "I'm in."

"Me too!" chirped Alice. She was sick of staying indoors and not being able to go shopping.

"Cool, I'll play," Emmett jumped in.

"Fine, me too," Rosalie joined.

All eyes were on Edward. This wasn't a potentially dangerous or humiliating game, so he agreed, "Sure, why not?"

"Ok, now that we have our players," Jasper began, "Who wants to start?"

"Ooh, me!" Alice shouted.

"Alright, go ahead."

"Hm…Alice Cullen went shopping. Your turn, Jazz."

"Ok…fortunately, everything Alice wanted to buy was on sale." Alice squealed at the thought. "Your turn, Edward," Jasper said.

"Unfortunately, when Alice had gotten to the parking lot, it suddenly became sunny, and she was a vampire, so she was trapped in the parking structure until it started raining again. Go ahead, Bella."

"Hm, fortunately, Alice was in Forks and didn't have to wait long until it started raining again. Emmett?"

"UNFORTUNATELY………" Emmett boomed, "When Alice had gotten into the mall and found what she wanted to buy, the cashier wouldn't sell them to her without a 'legal guardian,' she's so tiny." Alice _hmphed_ and glared at Emmett, who was smirking.

"Alright," said Rosalie, "Fortunately, Emmett walked in at that moment so the cashier decided to sell Alice her clothes because he looked big enough."

"ACK!" shouted Emmett. "Why would I want to go shopping with ALICE?!?!"

"Hey! You know, just for that 'tiny' remark, I'm taking you next weekend."

"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It was Alice's turn now. "Hm…So the cashier sold me the clothes because Emmett was there? Alright, unfortunately, the store manager lady was suspicious of Emmett's huge size, since he looked so young, and immediately went to call the police because he suspected Emmett was using steroids." **[I mean no offense to anyone!]** Alice smirked at Emmett.

"Oh, gee, haven't heard _that_ one before," Emmett said, rolling his eyes.

"Fortunately," began Edward, "Edward Cullen walked in, and 'dazzled' the manager into not calling the police." He smiled at Bella, who was blushing hotly.

Flustered, Bella began, "Um, unfortunately, a bunch of _Twilight_ fangirls saw him, and mobbed all three of them, Alice, Emmett, and Edward."

"Ick. Don't remind me," Jasper said.

"Can you believe that one girl who taped her phone number on my window?" Edward said disapprovingly.

"What!" Bella exclaimed. "Where was I when this happened?"

"I saw them coming and took you shopping that day. We didn't want you to get too angry and hurt yourself."

Bella glared at Alice, who said, "Hey, come on, it could happen. Emmett?"

Emmett grinned. "Fortunately, Emmett dazzled all of them so they fainted in delight, and Alice, Edward, and Emmett managed to calmly walk away. Rose?"

"Unfortunately, the hospital the girls were taken to was Forks Hospital, and so the girls fainted once again when they saw Carlisle," Rosalie said, recalling an actual incident when some fangirl fainted when she met Carlisle.

Of course, Carlisle walked in just then and said, "Who fainted? What? Bella?"

"I went shopping," started Alice, "And now you're treating some _Twilight_ fangirl that fainted after seeing Emmett, then you."

"I beg your pardon?"

"We're playing a game," Emmett said, "And your character caused some teenage girl to faint. Nice going, Carlisle."

"Um, sure. I'll…see you guys later."

"MY TURN!" Alice said. "You know…" she added thoughtfully, "This game is supposed to be really crazy, right? But we just had an event that actually happened. That's not very crazy."

"Are you saying we're NORMAL?" Emmett asked, shocked.

"No, just saying that we should spice things up a bit. Like….." Alice grinned evilly.

**A-ha! I love this game! Any ideas on what Alice decides to make happen next? Fangirl goes nuts and begs Carlisle to sign her Twilight T-shirt? Mike Newton walks in and realizes that the fangirl is his aunt? Or maybe the girl's parents try to sue Carlisle for distracting the patient and only making her condition worse? Review review review, please!! **


	2. Speak of the Devil

**Author's Note: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT. Thanks so much to everyone to reviewed! Thanks especially to scarlett and Person McPerson for giving me ideas for this chapter!! By the way, sorry it took so long; something happened to my fanfiction and wouldn't let me update any of my stories! **

"_Just saying we should spice things up a bit. Like…" Alice grinned evilly._

"Fortunately…"Alice began dramatically, "Outside the hospital window, some crazy man was running around in the street wearing only swim trunks, so the girls immediately woke up from the shock of it and began running out the hospital."

The Cullens laughed and Bella blushed.

"Unfortunately," countered Jasper, "The man running around outside was Emmett, so once the fangirls got close enough to see him, they fainted once again in pure delight and ended back in the hospital."

"OH YEAH! Skillz," said Emmett, pumping his fist into the air.

"Fortunately," replied Edward, "There was a different doctor treating fainting spells at the moment, so there was no further fainting because of Carlisle."

"Um, unfortunately, when the girls got better and their parents had to sign a release form, they were taken to Carlisle, where one fangirl went crazy…but didn't faint," decided Bella. She didn't like all this talk of fainting because of those dazzling vampires. She knew it could probably happen to her sometime.

"Instead," she continued, "the fangirl jumped out of her hospital bed, grabbed Carlisle, hugged him, and refused to let go."

Emmett laughed at the image of some teenager clinging onto their 300-year-old father.

"Well fortunately, Carlisle was very granite-like so the fangirl's semi-strong grip had no effect on him," Emmett said, flexing his huge muscles for emphasis.

Rosalie continued the story and said, "Unfortunately, Esme walked in just then, saw the fangirl hugging Carlisle, got jealous, and ate her."

The entire room laughed and laughed at the thought of their lovable mother eating some teenage girl for hugging Carlisle.

"Aw, man, the stories we could tell…" Jasper said, almost choking on his prolonged laughter.

"Ok, ok," Alice said, wiping her eyes out of habit, "Fortunately, the girl felt as if her life was complete, getting eaten by a Cullen, so she was not troubled one bit."

Emmett's eyes widened. "What a weirdo," he said.

Jasper snorted. "Well, she _was_ a human," he added.

"Hey! Still human here!" Bella protested. "Unless Edward…"

"No," Edward said flatly. Bella pouted, but Jasper continued the game.

"Um, unfortunately, the adults of Forks were not pleased to hear that these vampires had eaten one of their precious citizen, and demanded instantly that they move somewhere else. Then the Volturi showed up."

The Cullens laughed. "You know," Jasper said, "That's actually a pretty lame reason to expose our vampire status. Not getting caught sparkling in the sun, feeding on humans regularly, or entrusting the secret to an untrustworthy citizen, but actually _eating_ a girl for hugging their husband!" Jasper laughed and laughed with the rest of the Cullens and Bella.

Just then, there was a sudden draft in the room as the front door opened.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"

Bella gasped as she recognized the tall figure.

Aro Volturi.

**Speak of the devil! Well, speak of the vampire! I have an idea for what Aro does while he's there…but I'd rather hear your ideas! Remember, this is a humor story, so Aro isn't going to try to kill Bella or anything like that. So I kind of have an idea for Aro, but if somebody submits a better one (mine isn't that great anyway) I'll use it and give you credit, so please review review review! Even if you don't have an idea! **


	3. A New Player and a Dark Secret

**Author's Note: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed!!! 18 reviews!! Thanks everyone! And thanks so much for sending in an idea, even if I wasn't able to use it! This chapter is dedicated to JacobFan4evr, Sparkling Grey, mashimaro, and Marylet Halle. And just in case you forget, or I forget to put who's speaking during the game, the player order goes like this:**

**Alice **

**Jasper**

**Edward**

**Bella**

**Emmett**

**Rosalie**

Bella, seeing Aro's menacing figure, slowly inched her way toward Edward, who held onto her protectively and snarled at Aro.

"My good friend Edward, no need to get upset. I was simply dropping in to see you all. Is Carlisle here?"

Edward, not relaxing his strong grip on Bella, refused to answer. It was Emmett who replied "He just left for work, he'll be back at eight."

"I see," Aro responded. "So, what are you all up to?"

"We're playing a game!" Alice squealed, despite the fact that a member of the Volturi was in her presence.

"Wonderful!" Aro said. "May I join?"

Bella's eyes widened and looked up at Edward, who had a hard, calculating look on his face. He was no doubt checking Aro's thoughts to see if he meant them any harm.

"I mean you no harm," Aro reassured, "I just heard that you were playing some game, and Marcus has been particularly irritating lately, so I decided to come over here. May I join?" he repeated.

"Wait a minute," Jasper cut in, "How did you know we were playing a game?"

"Did you notice that picture frame up on the far wall that I gave to Esme as a gift?"

"Yeah…" Jasper answered cautiously.

"If you look closely, there is a secret camera embedded in it."

"WHAT!" Emmett exclaimed. "You've been _spying_ on us?"

"Well, yes, but not for our personal entertainment, Mr. Cullen," Aro replied smoothly. "After what happened here with our friend Jasper, we couldn't take any chances."

Almost as if on cue, Jasper and Edward growled simultaneously.

"No need to be aggressive over this, it was simply a precaution. Now, may I join?"

All of the Cullens looked at Edward, who was searching Alice's and Aro's mind. Finally, he nodded. "Alright. But we can stop whenever we want to."

"Of course, Edward! Thank you! Now, what game are we playing?"

"Fortunately-unfortunately. Do you know how to play?" Alice asked.

"Of course! You can't live for centuries and not know the games that have been played. Shall I be last, then, since I was last to join?" Aro asked, sitting down between Alice and Rosalie cross-legged.

"Ok," Emmett replied, "It's Jazz's turn right now, and then we go this way," he said, pointing around the circle. "Go ahead, Jazz."

"Um," Jasper began nervously. He wasn't quite sure he could crack any jokes against the Volturi in the game right now, so he looked to Alice, who nodded slightly.

"Ok, fortunately, the Volturi and the Cullens managed to convince the citizens of Forks that what happened was merely an accident and that they were in no danger whatsoever."

When Aro looked confused, Emmett touched his hand and filled him in with what he missed of the game. Then it was Edward's turn.

"Unfortunately, Jacob and his mongrel friends at La Push were not convinced, and they went to the Cullens' house to straighten things out."

"Uh, fortunately, when Esme explained the situation," Bella began, "The pack was not upset to hear that it was a _Twilight_ fangirl, since they were sick of all the Edward fans, so they just left."

"Unfortunately…Demetri, of _course_, was ticked off at the wolves for ignoring the situation so calmly, and…………………………yeah. He was mad," Emmett finished.

The Cullens looked nervously over to Aro, to see if he had taken any offense at that, but he just smiled and said, "No worries, Demetri is not quite fond of shape-shifters and other non-human, non-vampire creatures. Not that any of us are, but Demetri in particular is rather nitpicky about it. We aren't even _allowed_ to mention the word 'wolf' at dinner."

At the sound of the word 'dinner', Bella clutched Edward's shirt and buried her face into his chest.

Aro, seeing what he had done, apologized, "Forgive me, dear Bella. I nearly forgot you are not yet vampire. Ah, the powers you could possess…"

Edward rolled his eyes at Aro's suggestion, and motioned for Rosalie to continue the game, but of course, she only went on to rant about the wolves. Typical.

"Oh, I don't _mind_ ignoring those dogs entirely. I was more of a cat person as a human anyway. Did you hear what that mutt did to me the other day? He-"

"Got food in your hair, we know, we know," answered the rest of them.

Glaring, Rosalie continued the game, angrily annunciating every word so it sounded like, "FORTUNATELY. ROSALIE DID NOT MIND THAT DEMETRI WAS UPSET OVER THE WOLVES, AGREED WITH HIM, AND WENT BACK WITH HIM TO ITALY."

Emmett looked absolutely shocked at his wife. "But Rose, why????????? _I_ don't like dogs _either_!"

"You owned three dogs as a human and you know it, buster," Rosalie replied coldly.

"Shall we go on?" Aro asked politely.

"Please do," Edward answered.

"Alright, unfortunately, Marcus, when Rosalie arrived, immediately began making blond jokes, angering Demetri."

"Wait," Bella said, confused. She felt safe with Edward and finally spoke up, asking, "I thought Demetri had dark hair?"

"Well, he does now," Aro said, "But as a human, he was blonde. He dyed it when he turned because he found himself too blinding, with the pale skin and light blonde hair, especially in the sun."

Emmett began laughing loudly, but quickly earned a glare from Rosalie. He quieted down a little, but not without adding, "HA!! DEMETRI WAS A BLONDIE! HAH!" **[No offense to anyone!]**

The door opened yet again to reveal another surprise guest. Demetri, of course, who had apparently followed Aro on his way to Forks.

"Demetri….brother…."Aro went on nervously, "How nice of you to stop by." He flashed a weak smile at Demetri, who was not looking very pleased.

"Aro. Italy. Now," he demanded pointing at the door.

"Aww….just a little longer? Please? We're playing a game!"

"Normally, I would accept, but YOU TOLD THEM!!!!!"

And with that Demetri pounced onto Aro.

**Teehee. Not the best ending, huh? Sorry, it was getting a bit long for one chapter, but no worries! Another chapter soon to come! What did you think? Review, review, please! :] **


	4. Attack of the Fangirls

**Author's Note: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT. Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone!! I'm so sorry it took me ages to update! I promise, once summer comes, I will get faster at updating!! Hopefully, this chapter will make up for it! Thanks to Sparkling Grey for giving me an idea for this chapter! **

_And with that Demetri pounced onto Aro._

"DEMETRI!" Aro screamed. "WAIT JUST A MINUTE!!"

"YOU!!! TOLD!!! _THEM!!!!_" Demetri only shrieked once more, and continued to try to hold down Aro. "I'M NOT A _BLONDIE!!!!!!!!!!_"

Rosalie cocked her eyebrow at that, but decided to let it go. There would be no use in provoking a member of the Volturi for something as trivial as hair color.

Edward and the rest of the Cullens decided that the best thing to do right now was to wait until the fight was over. Alice and Edward silently took Bella upstairs to Edward's bedroom, while Jasper was to remain on the ground floor and keep them as calm as possible.

"**OUCH**!!! DEMETRIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Apparently, two angry vampires were more than Jasper could handle.

The fight lasted for several minutes, and was still going strong. It seemed as though they would never stop fighting, literally.

Then they came.

….

No, not the rest of the Volturi.

…

Not Carlisle, either.

They came armed with T-shirts, coffee mugs, and other assorted merchandise. They were dressed in black cloaks. Underneath they wore jeans and a T-shirt.

There were two of them. They burst into the Cullen household. No one knows exactly how they knew that Aro and Demetri were there, or how they managed to find the Cullens' house in the first place. Carlisle later suggested that they vacationed in Italy, discovered one of the Volturi hiding spots, and somehow managed to return to America alive.

They rammed the door, and screamed, "GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE **SUPERAWESOMESPARKLYVAMP**, NOW!!!!"

Aro and Demetri, as well as the rest of the Cullens, stopped what they were doing and noticed a pleasing scent in the air. How in the world did a couple of humans –besides Bella, of course– get into their house?

"I beg your pardon?" Aro said, squeezing Demetri's torso as Demetri furiously tried to rip off his arms.

"Not you!" they squealed. "YOU ROCK! We're talking about Demetri! GET YOUR SPARKLY PALE HANDS OFF OUR HERO!"

Even Demetri, angry as he was, could not help but untangle himself from Aro, glare at the humans, and ask the question on everyone's mind.

"WHO. ARE. YOU?" he snarled.

"Who does it look like, buddy?" the humans asked, and promptly removed their hooded cloaks.

That's when the household of vampires realized who their uninvited visitors were: Fangirls.

Aro fangirls.

They'd apparently purchased some Volturi-style cloaks, as they were identical to the black shreds on the floor that once belonged to Aro and Demetri. They wore black T-shirts with Aro's face on it, with big, silver text reading "TEAM ARO."

Demetri laughed at the interruption. Teenage humans!

"Haven't you ever heard that you should never provoke the Volturi?" Demetri growled at them, throwing Aro against the wall and stomping his way toward the fangirls.

"We LOVE Aro!" they said angrily. "It's our job to protect him. We're not going to let a silly little boy like YOU hurt him!"

Demetri's eyes stretched open. The translucent skin over his knuckles stretched until it was very, very thin. His hand was in an extremely tight fist. His nostrils flared and his dark eyes were pitch black. Not only was he thirsty right now, but he was angry, too.

He broke down, collapsed on the floor, and sobbed.

The girls, surprised that they managed to "defeat" Demetri so easily, took a small step away from him. Perhaps he was acting, and was going to kill them any minute now.

He continued his dry-sobs. They were strangely convincing. The girls turned to Jasper and mouthed _Is he really…?_ Jasper, who could sense Demetri's sadness, nodded silently, then turned away from the humans.

While the Cullens and the Aro fangirls stared, Aro decided that he'd better do something. "Demetri, brother, are you alright?"

Demetri gasped pitifully and curled into a ball.

"Well…this is awkward," Emmett said, breaking the tension.

Demetri mumbled a bit, then when his gasping slowed, the Cullens were able to make out his words:

"I- never- had- fangirls!"

Aro, shocked, took a step back. He motioned toward his fangirls who quietly put their cloaks back on, covering the TEAM ARO print.

Finally, Demetri let out a heavy sigh and stood up, not wanting to even glance at the teenage girls. He touched Aro's hand, who nodded ever so slightly.

"Demetri apologizes for his outbreak," explained Aro. "We shall be returning home now. Tell Carlisle we stopped by."

"Wait!" cried Emmett. "We still haven't finished our game! Would Demetri like to join us?"

"As long as _they_ leave," answered Demetri, gesturing to the fangirls.

The girls looked at Aro, who said, "I thank you for your enthusiasm. However, I think it would be best if you were to return home now. Here," he said, and took one of their TEAM ARO coffee mugs. He quickly grabbed a permanent marker from the Cullens' table and signed it _Aro Volturi_.

The girls squealed and left, saying, "BYE, ARO! WE LOVE YOU!"

"Well then," Aro said, "I suppose we've got time to continue our game. Let's begin."

**Demetri joins! What did you think of this chapter? Again, sorry it took so long to update! Also, please check out my new story, "The Lion, the Brit, and the Hufflepuff." Review, please! **


	5. Things Take a Very Unpleasant Turn

**Author's Note: We do not own Twilight. And **_**so, so **_**sorry on how long it took to update! Thanks to my cousin, the Nerdy Kid From Queens for writing this chapter!! **

**Current order goes as follows: ****Aro**

**Demetri**

**Alice**

**Jasper**

**Edward**

**Bella**

**Emmett**

**Rosalie**

"All right…so where did we leave off?" Demetri asked.

Aro quickly filled him in.

"Well then…hmmm…fortunately, a crazed group of DEMETRI FANGIRLS ran into the room and began hugging me, and thus I let the insult slide."

Aro growled. Demetri shrugged.

"Uh…okay…well, unfortunately, Rosalie felt she had finally found a kindred spirit in Demetri, and decided against returning home to the dark-haired Emmett," said Alice.

"WHAT?" Emmett screamed.

Jasper snickered, and continued, "Fortunately, when Emmett found out he was so shocked he fell over and died."

"How is that fortunate? I can't even die from shock!" Emmett snarled, but it was Edward's turn.

"Unfortunately, Emmett, being a vampire…." Emmett nodded appreciatively in his direction. "…did not have life insurance and Carlisle had had his eye on some golf clubs for a long time, so he decided a funeral would be too expensive and did not even bother."

Edward, Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper were all laughing now. Emmett glared at Bella. She said quickly, "Fortunately, _Esme_ was still sad!"

"THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN DO?!?!?" Emmett roared. Then he turned toward - Jasper! - and smiled evilly. "UNFORTUNATELY, Esme was so sad that she no longer wanted to be reminded of her beautiful son with such dreadful substitutes, and sent Jasper and Edward to go live with the wolves."

Alice, Rosalie, and Bella were all chuckling now. Edward and Jasper were not.

"Oh, dear me, things are taking a _very _unpleasant turn here…" Aro said sinisterly. Rosalie smiled, and said, "Hmm…fortunately, Bella and Alice got together with some nice college boys over the summer and got over it quickly."

This was too much, and suddenly all the girls and Emmett burst out laughing.

Demitri thought for a while, and apparently deciding watching them brawl was too much fun to take sides, said, "Unfortunately, Jasper and Edward returned and were furious."

Jasper and Edward's faces lit up, but Aro, an evil grin on his face, added, "Hmm…fortunately, their new college boyfriends turned out to be werewolves in disguise, and they managed to beat the stuffing out of the girls' exes."

"Shouldn't Alice sniff them out?" Bella said.

"She was too blinded by love," Aro explained, smiling sadistically at Edward and Jasper.

Jasper and Edward began protesting, but Alice followed this up with, "Unfortunately, Jazzy-wazzy and Eddie looked so pathetic…my favorite blue top, the one with the sequined collar that looks sooooo cute with the sapphire and diamond earrings I bought for $135 at Nordstrom last Memorial Day sale when it was 20% off at the mall, was soaked by their tears…and I took Bella and our new werewolf boyfriends shopping."

"Vampires can't cry," Demetri said.

"Ah, whatever, we've broken enough rules," Alice said.

Jasper had been seething throughout the past few turns, but then smiled and said, "FORTUNATELY for Edward and me, on their way to the mall a hole opened up mysteriously in the ground and they all fell in."

"Unfortunately for Alice and Bella, they-and their boyfriends-all died, so sad-NOT!" Edward said, laughing.

Everyone began staring venomously at Bella. However, Bella was so angry that Edward had killed her off that suddenly the vicious animal inside her spoke up for the first time and she said, "Fortunately, my beautiful new college werewolf boyfriend was so muscled and wonderfully proportioned that when he fell into the ground, his beautiful biceps caused an earthquake that spread to the Cullens' house and split Edward's piano, Volvo, and music collection beyond repair." Wild laughter - and two very angry topaz eyes - followed this remark.

Emmett burst out laughing, and before Edward could say anything quickly added, "Unfortunately, Edward survived!" More laughter ensued.

Rosalie smiled, and said, "Fortunately, I got tired of Demetri hogging the remote all the time, came back, and took my anger out on Edward and shot him, and it tickled him so much that he died laughing."

"HOGGING THE REMOTE?" Demetri roared. "HOGGING THE REMOTE?"

An awkward silence followed. Aro, who knew quite well of Demetri's obsessive TV (and remote-control-hogging) habits, kept quiet.

Fuming, Demetri said, "Unfortunately, Rosalie, being a BLONDIE," ("So are you," Aro muttered, but he fell silent when he glared at him) "was so stupid that she wanted to try it too, and shot herself, and died laughing from the similar effect." **(So sorry to any blondes out there! No offense whatsoever!)  
**

Rosalie stood up. "You want some, tracker boy?"

"Bring it on!" They lunged at each other, but then Aro stopped them.

Oh dear. It was Aro's turn. He pondered, then his eyes lit up and he said, "Fortunately, Jasper, the only one still alive, was so happy that he gave Demetri a big hug and they accidentally strangled each other."

Everybody started laughing at pointing at Jasper. Alice, barely able to contain herself, snorted, "Unfortunately…" then she stopped. "Hey, everyone's dead!"

"Weren't we all dead in the beginning anyway? We're vampires!" Emmett pointed out.

"Enough with the rules, already! It's just a game!" Alice shot back.

"UNFORTUNATELY THEY ALL WOKE UP AND DISCOVERED IT WAS ALL A DREAM!" said an angry voice.

"Vampires can't dream!" complained Edward.

"That's a LAME ending!" Emmett protested. But he turned even paler when he realized this comment was not from Alice.

Carlisle and Esme stormed into the room, having overheard everything upstairs.

"We are _very _disappointed with all of you!" Carlisle scolded. "Killing each other off? You're acting like a bunch of five-year-olds!"

Aro, Demetri, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Bella, and Edward all hung their heads.

"Now…" Esme sat down. "To make this game more civilized, we're joining! To make sure that you don't act too violently!"

Oh dear…not censorship! Anything but that!

"And because there's really nothing good on TV," Carlisle added quietly, but quickly earned a look of disapproval from Esme.

"All right," Esme began. "Once upon a time there was a magical pink bunny. Now, isn't that a much better beginning for this game?"

**What did you think of this chapter? Personally, I think OOC protective Esme will make for some very interesting stories…What did you think of the Cullens all killing each other off? To be honest, that's pretty much how all our real-life games end. Please leave a review! And don't forget to go to my profile to vote on my poll and check out my other Twilight stories!**


	6. The Story of the Magical Pink Bunny

**Author's Note: Neither of us own Twilight. Enjoy the magical tale of the fluffy pink bunny! At least, while it lasts…**

**Current order goes as follows:**

**Esme**

**Carlisle**

**Aro **

**Demetri **

**Alice**

**Jasper**

**Edward**

**Bella**

**Emmett**

**Rosalie**

"_Once upon a time there was a magical pink bunny." _Esme smiled sweetly at Carlisle. "Your turn, and remember, _nothing_ inappropriate."

Everyone glared angrily at Carlisle.

He gulped, but his wife started eyeballing him, so he stammered, "Fortunately…er…the bunny was happily running through a field of flowers." He looked nervously at her, and breathed a sigh of relief when she smiled approvingly. Esme turned to Aro. "Your turn."

"Actually, it's…" began Alice, but she shut up when Esme glared at her for speaking out of turn.

They turned to the very irate Aro. "Unfortunately, the bunny tripped over a rock and bled to death."

"Aro!" Esme cried. "Are you trying to impose themes of violence onto our young children?"

"They're 100-year-old vampires!" Aro protested.

To everyone's shock, the normally sweet, petite Cullen matriarch suddenly stood up and grabbed the Volturi leader by the collar.

"Aren't you being violent right now?" Rosalie pointed out.

"Er…um….this is a parenting technique! You are not allowed to use it! Ever!"

"I've never seen parents grab children by their collars," muttered Emmett. "Let alone people who _aren't _their children…"

"SILENCE!" and he shut up. She glared at Aro. "Aro, go stand in the corner."

"Excuse me?" Aro snarled.

"I SAID GO STAND IN THE CORNER!" Esme suddenly switched gears and glared at Carlisle. "Carlisle, honey, back me up on this!"

"Well, Cullen?" Aro stared at Carlisle with a very angry look on his face. Carlisle knew that this was very, very bad. Aro had never called him "Cullen" before.

Everyone looked nervously at Carlisle. What could he do in a situation like this?

"Aro, please, I am begging you, just go stand in the corner," Carlisle said weakly.

Aro gave him the death glare. "Cullen, I am doing this out of respect for you, but mark my words, I shall get my revenge," and he went and stared at the wall without another word.

Everyone was terrified now.

"All right, everyone. Unfortunately, it started raining. Demetri," Esme said sweetly, and Demetri leaped up and gasped when she said his name.

"Er…right…um, fortunately, the bunny's mommy had packed him an umbrella because she was so thoughtful and considerate, _like all mothers_," Demetri said. The rest of the Cullens and Bella began giggling but stopped when Esme gave them another glare. She smiled at Demetri.

Alice gulped when she saw it was her turn. "Unfortunately, he had to take shelter in a log for the night and was scared." Whew. She patted herself on the back.

Since Aro had been sentenced to the corner Jasper had been attempting to fuel Esme with feelings of bloodlust and so far he was failing miserably. To his horror he found it was his turn now.

"Er, uh, fortunately, the- the pink bunny," Jasper began.

"_Magical_ pink bunny," Esme added.

"Uh, right, fortunately, the _magical_ pink bunny's mom packed him his favorite teddy bear, and he gave him comfort," Jasper said, glancing nervously at Esme, who nodded in approval. Jasper sighed in relief, grateful for having escaped the humiliation of standing in the corner. He felt waves of hate and vengeance coming from Aro, who was glaring at the accursed corner.

Bella now. "Um, um-unfortunately, the magical pink bunny had no little bunny friends to pass the time with, and became very sad…."

"NO! Too traumatizing for my children!" Esme cried. Too traumatizing? Jasper had fought in the Civil War, Rosalie had been attacked by her drunken fiancée, Edward had lost his parents to Spanish influenza, Emmett had been mauled by a bear, Alice had been submitted to electric shock treatments, and all of them had survived vampire conversions…_too traumatizing?_

But Bella, for fear of an embarrassing time-out, gave in and said, "Unfortunately, he was just lonely." Esme smiled.

Edward's turn. Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice looked at him hopefully, but he shook his head. Esme wasn't planning on dropping this censorship thing any time soon.

Emmett, meanwhile, had crept over to the corner of shame, where Aro was still glaring at the wall. He stared at the powerful Volturi member with great interest. Slowly, he lifted his index finger to Aro's shoulder and began to poke it incessantly. Aro gave him another crimson death glare, but Emmett continued poking him with interest until Aro finally lost his temper.

"I AM NOT A PACKAGE OF MEAT YOU LITTLE GORILLA!"

Emmett screamed and shrunk back, whimpering. Aro then resumed staring at the wall with a huff, folding his arms across his chest indignantly.

Edward looked disturbed, but continued. "Fortunately, a purple bunny suddenly came along and the pink bunny liked her and the purple bunny liked him back and-"

"NOT APPROPRIATE! The pink bunny and the purple bunny liked each other very much - but _just as friends. _Emmett, your turn."

Demetri mumbled something incoherent about dinner - Bella yelped - and made a speedy dash for the door.

Emmett smiled and said devilishly, "Unfortunately, a bunny-eating peacock suddenly came along and had the two bunnies for dinner…"

"EMMETT!"

"…..at her place with specially prepared lasagna and plenty of vitamin-enriched celery! ROSALIE!"

"Unfortunately the purple bunny complained because her lasagna was too cold-" Rosalie began.

"NO!" Esme scolded

"What now?" everyone - including Aro - groaned.

"That's horribly poor etiquette! This lovely peacock invited them to her house, fed them, and she criticizes the food? What a ghastly example for our-"

Carlisle suddenly groaned. "Women!" he muttered. "They're so uptight-"

Everyone gasped. Esme's eyes turned to slits. "Excuse me?"

Carlisle turned even paler. "I mean…er…" This was very bad. Even in the vampire world making insensitive gender comments near your spouse was not a good idea.

Esme snarled and suddenly stood up. "New plan, girls!" she cried, flipping her hair and getting into battle position. "Carlisle Cullen refused to hand over the remote and got the living daylights beaten out of him because he, LIKE ALL MEN, was a pompous blowhard! Next!"

The men stood up in protest while the girls burst out laughing. "Ha, ha - so true!"

Carlisle glared back at her. "Oh, so that's how you want to play, huh? Well, FORTUNATELY…" and soon all the women were yelling at the men and all the men were yelling at the women and Aro was smiling and rubbing his hands together evilly in the corner when finally Emmett decided to take the leadership position and do something about all this.

"This- means- WAR!"

**This chapter was so fun to write! I love the idea of Aro standing angrily in the Corner of Shame. What did you think of this chapter? Please review!**


	7. Battle of the Sexes

**Author's Note: Neither of us own Twilight. Thanks so, so much to everyone who reviewed! It really means a lot that you guys enjoyed our story! Now, without further ado, here's chapter 7! **

**Current order goes as follows:**

**Esme**

**Carlisle**

**Alice**

**Jasper**

**Edward**

**Bella**

**Emmett**

**Rosalie**

"Well, then!" Carlisle huffed. "Unfortunately, he was so mad at being beaten up that he took time off from work and, because he was the only one who could actually work since he was MALE, the entire family could not support themselves and the house collapsed on itself. NEXT!"

"Excuse me?" said Alice. "Are you implying that women are incapable of supporting themselves? Are you?"

"So what if we are?" Emmett said, smirking.

Alice growled, then said, "Fortunately, when the roof caved in, all the Cullen men were sitting around lazily watching football because they were useless MEN, and they all got concussions, but they were so hard-headed it instead shattered their skulls. NEXT! Jasper?"

"Jasper?" Jasper sounded hurt. "Whatever happened to Jazzy-wazzy?"

"Nice to see a _sensitive _male for once," Rosalie mumbled, and suddenly Jasper snapped out of it and resumed the gender-bashing. "Well, unfortunately, in addition to having thicker cranial caps, we Cullen men also have larger brains, so the instant the superior intellectual abilities of the brains were revealed to the world, halos of light suddenly came from the sky and burned everything else. NEXT!"

Edward snickered, and followed this up with, "Fortunately, this included the women, who were fleeing in terror but were too slow to get away because they were weak and scared like ALL FEMALES. NEXT!"

But Bella was shocked. First he killed her off, now he was insulting her gender? Well…. "Unfortunately, we were upset about being incinerated and left, and since men are always hopelessly lost without women and their women's intuition to guide them, the Cullen men fell into sullen Cullen depression. That, and they no longer had any purpose in life."

"Nice, Bella!" The women all high-fived.

Emmett was stuck. Then he got an idea. "Fortunately, we figured, women never have much personality anyway, we quickly got over it and met some new girls by the end of the hour."

"Unfortunately, the new girls were nowhere near as beautiful as moi, so it was only a hopeless reminder of what he had lost." Rosalie smirked.

Uh-oh. Esme's turn now. "Fortunately, when the new girls found out about our own sad fate, they realized that mingling with males was a stupid idea and decided not to make the same mistake we made and left immediately."

Carlisle looked a little miffed. "Hmmm…wait, I've got it. Esme, Alice, Bella, and Rosalie all came back, unable to resist our dashing vampiric good looks. Unfortunately for us, we let them move back in."

"I disagree with you, Carlisle," Edward said quietly. "Humans can be very attractive as well."

Bella's heart melted. She realized just then, in those seven words, she had been wrong about Edward. He really did love her. "Edward…." she said, "Awwww……."

"I mean, just look at Audrey Hepburn! Can you say _hot?" _

"WHAT?" Bella screamed, knocked out of her Cinderella moment.

Rosalie started laughing at Bella, who was screaming while her boyfriend was grinning happily and apparently not noticing her misery. At least, Rosalie was laughing until Emmett said, "No way, man. Audrey Hepburn is way too skinny! Megan Fox, now _she _is a babe."

"What?" Rosalie started snarling. "But she's not a blonde!"

"So what?" said Alice, smiling and hugging Jasper. "Brunettes are _much _prettier than blondes, right, Jazzy-wazzy?"

"Not really," said Jasper, and then to everyone's shock he suddenly jumped up and ripped open his jacket. "BUFFY FOREVER!" he screamed, revealing a shirt with a picture of Sarah Michelle Gellar and captioned BUFFY LIVES.

"BUFFY?" screamed Alice.

"Buffy is _so _awesome. I swear I would not mind if that girl tried to stake me," Jasper said.

"But she's just fictional!"

"Children," Esme chuckled. "Obsessing over vampire slayers and actresses. Isn't that cute, Carlisle? They don't realize that in real life, what's important is someone capable. And responsible. Someone with a real career. A real Dr. McDreamy."

Carlisle laughed. "Thank you, Esme! Yes! Youth these days don't realize it's not the looks that's as important as intelligence and responsibility and respect and-"

"Not _you," _Esme snapped. "Patrick Dempsey!"

"What?" he said, sounding hurt. "But-but- he's not even a real doctor! He's just an actor!"

"That never stopped you from pinning posters of that Marilyn Monroe girl up in your room," Alice muttered.

"That's different," he insisted. "Marilyn Monroe is hot."

"So is Patrick Dempsey," Esme said.

"JAMES FRANCO!" screamed Bella.

"I don't care what _any _of you say," Alice said. "NO ONE was hotter than Leonardo di Caprio." She sighed. "Ah, Leo…what a dreamboat!"

"Personally, I always had a thing for that Helena Bonham Carter," Aro said. But Rosalie, not wanting to be reminded of beautiful women other than her, told him to shut up and mind his own business.

"Wait a minute!" said Edward. "So THAT'S what you were doing on all those Spider-Man websites, wasn't it?" he asked Bella.

"You track my browsing history?" She sounded furious. "That's a breach of my privacy! I can have you sued for that!"

"You were okay with letting me watch you sleep, and you're mad because I check your browsing history?"

"Uh, yes!" Bella said. "And why are you so upset anyway? So I love James Franco. You just said a minute ago that you love Audrey Hepburn and you didn't hear me complaining!"

"Oh, really? Then why did you suddenly scream 'JAMES FRANCO!' all of a sudden, hmmm?"

"So what? I have freedom of speech! JAMES FRANCO!"

"Fine! Two can play at that game. AUDREY HEPBURN!"

"I'M A BUFFISTA!" Jasper screamed. Suddenly a huge scream fest broke out.

"Patrick Dempsey!"

"Megan Fox!"

"Marilyn Monroe!"

"Leonardo di Caprio!"

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer!"

Then the fights turned into:

"AUDREY HEPBURN IS HOTTER THAN MARILYN MONROE!"

"MARILYN MONROE IS HOTTER THAN AUDREY HEPBURN!"

"MEGAN FOX IS HOTTER THAN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!"

"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER IS HOTTER THAN _EVERYONE!"_

"NOBODY IS HOTTER THAN LEONARDO DI CAPRIO!"

"PATRICK DEMPSEY IS HOTTER THAN LEONARDO DI CAPRIO!"

"JAMES FRANCO IS HOTTER THAN PATRICK DEMPSEY!"

**"Taylor Lautner is hotter than ALL OF YOU!"**

Everyone gasped. "Rosalie?"

"Rosalie, you traitor!" screamed Emmett.

"So what if I like him?" Rosalie said defensively. "You like Megan Fox, what do you say to that?"

"But he looks just like-just like-"

"The werewolf?"

"Yes! Exactly!" said Emmett, relieved. "See? Jacob knows what he's talking-"

All eyes turned to the smiling werewolf at the doorway. Then they screamed. "JACOB?"

**Woohoo! Another chapter! This one was also very fun to write. Which of the celebrity-vampire pairings was your favorite? I just love the BuffyxJasper idea. What did you think of this chapter? Please review! **

**~ simply-dazzling001 ~**


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